Updated: Oct 14, 2020
Alright, we all know this is the hardest thing to do. Most of the time when we have friction with friends we can create distance or speak our mind but it just isn't as easy with family members.
We've been sold this misconception since birth that 'blood is thicker than water' and we need to endlessly sacrifice for family. We need to put up with their behaviour no matter what- because they're family. Often times this idea leads people to take advantage of family members, ignore responsibility, not nurture positive relationships, violate boundaries, and dismiss the importance of a proper, fulfilling apology.
A few years back I felt like I was driving a truck through sinking sand and no matter how much I tried to beg my family to come together and work through our shit- we wouldn't. There were too many layers, ancient betrayals, and a shit ton of pride and ego preventing us from moving on. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but pulling away from my family and challenging myself to stop trying to control the situation and change everyone gave me so much more energy to look inward and get my own shit together. Was I ever going to change my siblings? No, probably not, but I could set boundaries to prevent myself from being in situations where I was going to be taken advantage of. Was I ever going to get the perfect apology from my mother for all of the things I perceived she did wrong? Maybe not, but I could work on seeing her as a human being who did the best she could and forgiving her anyways.
My dad? Pftt, never got the chance to work through those wounds because he passed away a few years ago. Did that stop me from facing my Father Wound head-on and working through the pain he caused me? Absolutely not.
If I've learned through my healing journey it's that we cannot heal in the hopes that other people will too. We cannot do the work because we think a warm apology will be waiting at the end once we become the 'perfect' daughter, sister, aunt, whatever. You cannot wait for someone to apologize because they may never come to a point in their life where they see the world as you do- YOU MUST HEAL ANYWAYS! Heal because you are capable.
Forgive because you deserve it.
Set boundaries because you are worthy. I wrote this meditation when I first started writing courses on family trauma and the response in my workshops was inspiring. I've never recorded a meditation so I definitely have some room to improve and would love your feedback. Do you like silent meditations or with music? Do you like them to be quick and 5-minutes or under, or a 10-minute journey? Leave a comment and let me know what came up for you and if you liked the meditation. Don't be shy, we're all here for the same purpose and this is a safe space, you just have to allow yourself to trust us so we can prove it.